I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
