Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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