I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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