I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
