He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
