I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
