she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So many bounce houses so little time
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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