The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my shit smells like andre
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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