life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
