I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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