operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
