just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
