just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
