WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
