I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
