omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
