Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize