forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
