That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
