hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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