ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
