Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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