well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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