I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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