if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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