I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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