my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
