is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think my moral compass just broke
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
