i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
