A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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