The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
