you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm getting married
To pizza
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
