you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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