tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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