to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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