mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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