another moral hangover. fuck.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
