is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
