All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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