We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
