I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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