Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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