how can u be prego again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize