just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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