I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
