i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
