It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
