I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize