I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
