I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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