Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
