Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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