I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
