hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
