is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
