cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
