did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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