Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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