Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
