So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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