Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
