I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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