john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
