I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
handjob tips. give me some.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
