): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
