We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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