can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
