Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize