It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need moral support for this bender
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
