Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
