coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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