just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
