i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
tell me about the eggs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
